When To Cram It, When To Slam It
In my 28 years of living I've done a lot of stuff I didn't want to do, dealt with people I haven't wanted to deal with and put up with some shit I probably didn't even have to - and I'm sure you have too.
Most of us were raised to be polite, considerate and placid humans by our loving yet somewhat politically correct parents. I will be the first to admit that I lack tact and have been told I own a "hard personality". My preferred way of daily operation is akin to a wrecking ball; turns up hard and heavy then leaves gaping holes and dust. On a softer day, I'm considered rough around the edges. While my parents tried to temper this and have in some capacity succeeded, I do sometimes think being upfront and honest has served me well.
I have named 2017 The Year of The Fall Through. I've broken up with more friends than I've ever had boyfriends, I've planted more truth bombs than trees and I've honestly had enough of putting up with shit I don't believe in, want to be involved with or care to hear about. That goes for advice I didn't ask for, blame that was wrongly laid on my turf, problems that weren't mine that I somehow had to deal with and people who very quickly went from point A (being tolerable) to point B (not being able to be in the same room with).
I hope that you, as an assumed devout reader of my sassy and quite frankly unasked for opinions, are the type that continually strives for growth and expansion in the pursuit of living your core truths and values. That you understand you are exactly the same as a crab on the beach that will outgrow its shell and instead of staying in it for the "long haul", cuts the shit and finds a more accomodating environment. That you supersede things sometimes and while it's no ones fault directly it just doesn't seem to work anymore and you have to move on.
There will be friendships that will snag themselves on the petty shores of frustration and anxiety and even though it feels rough you should probably cut your losses and move to calmer seas.
There have been, but hopefully there will be no more relationships that have more lies woven in than last years Christmas lights, shoved in that fucking box under the stairs and are now impossible to untangle upon rediscovery. I wish you strength in throwing it all out because time is not a true indication of quality and anyone who says it is, is a damn fool.
Do I really have to tell you that you should leave that job where you feel small tears spanning across your soul as the day drags on in desperate pleas, telling you to stop being such a damn martyr?
You should do more for yourself because you deserve more. It's not about being greedy, all those fools from 2015 are still screaming YOLO- guess what they are right. You do not need people in your life that bring you down, that don't support you fully, that actively grate against your values. You do not have to go to those events if you don't want to just because FOMO is a real affliction of our time. You have permission to kick start yourself, figure out an exit strategy from that burning tyre pile of a career because you're just in it for the fucking money and you know it's not worth it.
You have autonomy if you want to access it. Run your life the way you want to, not the way you think you should or how anyone says you should.