Amy Crow
Designer / Illustrator / Maker

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Being Female Focussed Does NOT = Being A Misandrist

When a new tinder match starts assuming your values based on one of your profile pictures, you should probably just cut your losses and run far, far away.

I had recently rebooted tinder in the vain hope of finding another soul in this soup we call life and was shocked to see my pink buzzcut and two lined bio was coming up Milhouse with the GC scene. Until I matched with Matthew. I had swiped right on him because he read like he had a lot going on in his life (I read a lot between those four lines of bio copy as you can tell....). Pleasantries lasted all of two sentences until he posed this question- "excuse my asking, but are you a feminist, per chance?"

Let's just stop this right here because what are you actually getting at here Matthew from Tinder and why the fuck do you feel the need to ask? I responded to this calmly with "I don't understand that terminology, I believe in equality and supporting each other." I was proud of myself for this because I was a bit hazy at the time and did not realise I was walking straight into a damn forest of red flags and assholery. 

He made this point because of the FUTURE = FEMALE shirt I was wearing in one of my pictures. I did put that picture there for two very distinct reasons, the first was very shallow - it was a great hair and face day and the colours were on point, the second was to filter out these back-water hicks that feel like their opinions hold weight in any forum when really they're a fucking speck of dust in my eye- an annoyance at worst but ultimately insignificant in any case. I was very surprised to be met with some angst and very clear mansplaining. 

Reversing the mansplain is a difficult task and I would not recommend this to anyone who hasn't had a decent sized meal prior. I just said that I had designed and printed that shirt and was basically wanting to inspire women to take control of their futures. 

He responds with an eloquent and unasked for equation of "so FUTURE = Male and Female".

No Matthew, that's exactly 100% not what I'm getting at. 

I then tried to wield the power of the English language to my advantage (since math obviously wasn't doing the trick) to sadly not much success. I elaborated on the fact that it's ok that men are involved and they're welcome to be part of the journey that's totally cool but it's essentially irrelevant to the point because it is, as stated earlier, about women taking control of their future and making their own decisions.

I tried my damnest to make it clear that I'm not a misandrist for the plain fact that I'm not. These are dicey times when the constant perception is that if you are female focussed you are against men and we're all sitting on hard cover copies of Germaine Greer books workshopping the best molotov cocktail recipe in order to BURN THE PATRIARCHY INTO THE GROUND. No, wrong. That's not what I'm saying or feeling or putting out there.

He then came back with- guys I know, I should have just thrown my phone under the nearest car but I was determined to just try and level this fucking playing field, even if it's just one long haired dude at a time-  "that doesn't make sense and it doesn't convey that message - why doesn't it say "I want women to take control of their futures".

FOR VERY WELL THOUGHT OUT REASONS, MATTHEW. YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY NOT A DESIGNER OR A CRITICAL THINKER.

I found this incredibly annoying on so many levels. One; don't tell me how to market myself, two; don't tell me how to communicate effectively with my audience, three; don't question my design decisions- I'm a professional in this field and four; if you don't like it, you are more than welcome to fuck off.

I had shockingly still not given up the hope so I did my best to explain that unfortunately that his idea was not very succinct and was incredibly insensitive to make things so obvious to an intelligent, informed and aware audience.

I then severed the chord realising that a) I didn't want to continue this fruitless conversation and b) it was a Sunday morning and I was fucking hungry.

 

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