Amy Crow
Designer / Illustrator / Maker


Coping with Thought Duality

Maybe it's my personality or the way my brain is wired but I always find myself surveying every problem from both sides if not multiple angles. It's a confusing time at best because it impacts basic decision making, not entirely to a stand still but it's like taking the scenic route instead of the highway. 

I've been falling prey to slightly fatalist views lately thinking that potentially everything is rather pointless. This is where duality of thought shows up in full effect- because on the one hand it is, what we do here is essentially meaningless. Surprisingly enough, it can be quite liberating because if there's no point to anything- you can make a point of anything. You basically create your own meaning out of literally nothing. What was seemingly cold and lifeless also buzzes with potential.

When I was in Catholic high school I used to absolutely loathe anything to do with religion, it made no sense and I thought it was honestly garbage. In recent times however I have come to a vague conclusion that the meaning and solace people derive from religion can be a saviour in itself in many ways. It delivers a community of like minded folk, creates a long term plan and goal and gives sense of purpose and value through ritual and ceremony. In some ways I'm envious because if I bury my logical, analytical mind about how flawed religion can be, I understand that ultimately it provides what most humans require for basic existence. 

Creatively I'm like one of those intense rollercoasters from Movie World; what must go up must also come down, from stopping it starts and when starting it stops. There's also so much potential for breaking down or blowing up. Creative burn out is a real thing I have recently learnt, while they stop you in your path, these burn outs give way to the potential creative phoenix from the ashes. Death and life have always been necessary for continuation.

There was a period of time shortly after graduating from college that I felt like I could handle all of the tasks and tackle every one of the problems. You would think that sense of purpose and drive would do nothing but grow and flourish but sadly it has almost withered and died in the wake of Christmas-wish-list style job advertisements and the apparently worthwhile and stubborn persistence of the 5 day working week. On the one hand working full time offers security, consistency and routine. However the trades offs are lack of spontaneity, same cash regardless of time spent and inherently a lack of freedom/flexibility in structure.

I feel like the caterpillar out of Alice in Wonderland offering up the mushroom slices at every juncture in life. Choices and decisions shape our paths but also our paths can be altered by each decision we make. Everything is a choice if you choose to view it that way. Considering multiple angles to each problem opens up many doors in a hallway as opposed to just one. Duality is a difficult game to play but I found can create more opportunities if employed somewhat objectively. In any case I prefer it to tunnel vision.

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