Fearing Your Potential
Fearing your potential- sounds absolutely fucking stupid doesn't it. I mean it's your potential! It's bright and shiny and it's a better version of you. There's no reason why you couldn't get up everyday at 4am for the next year working on yourself, or start a new course, embark on a new project, read another book etc....
Yet you don't.
With every passing week you keep saying "I'm going to do that thing".
Yet you don't.
Years go by and people ask "hey, X Y and Z?" and you wistfully stare into the distance and say "yeah, yeah"
I see it and I hear it all the time. I hear that you're busy and you're tired and stressed and that you need to dedicate some solid time in order to read that book or learn that thing so you can finally get to the next stage. I know you do it because I do it too. Only lately I've become way to conscious of it and it's grinding my brain gears.
I was having a whinge to a friend over text the other day and he said some wonderful things to battle against my negative thoughts. He said "I think you underestimate the effect your explosive creativity has on those around you". It felt nice, it really did. Until I realised that I had him fooled! I told him this too, so the wool isn't over his eyes anymore. The truth is, I'm exceptionally lazy. Now sometimes I think laziness can be effective, even Bill Gates once said “I choose a lazy person to do a hard job. Because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” And maybe "easy" could be loosely synonymous with "efficient". But I'm just justifying this as a defence mechanism. I had a hard chat with myself and came to the conclusion that yes I am lazy and that I do not like it and I now will have to put some effort into changing it. Which is good! We are defined by our choices and this is a better choice to make if I want better outcomes, which I do.
Sometimes I think we fear our potential because we worry that putting all our eggs in one basket is not only scary but requires our attention and focus to be put solely in one place. If that fails or fucks up the ground beneath us swallows us and we are stranded with no exit strategy.
I think we fear our potential because if we keep saying we're working towards something or looking like we're busy then no one can hold us directly accountable for results that haven't yet occurred.
I think we fear our potential because we're worried it won't be as shiny as we thought it would be or it will manifest differently to what we saw in our mind box.
Ultimately, I think fearing your potential is just that, fearing what you could achieve and these are all stupid excuses, not reasons. We should actively try to be the best version of ourselves. It will annoying, require effort and time and probably incur frustration. I think what will be necessary as well is a level of being comfortable in ambiguity. By being flexible and casting the broad strokes of an idea, we paint a picture of our future without making the mistake of filling in the details too soon with heavy black lines that can't be erased or changed.